3 yr old Girl with Limb differences and Meningocele

NICOLE AND FAMILY

Age of Child at adoption  3

Special Needs hand and foot deformities, meningocele (spina bifida)

toddler, limb difference, meningocele, spina bifida

Our Experience in China
We were prepared for a sad little girl but not prepared for the very angry little girl we got. She did not cry a single tear, but would scream and yell throwing huge fits, she would hit us, pinch us, kick us, spit at us and on our things, she lost her potty training. We would have to physically restrain her in our laps when the fits started in, and just rock her for as long as it took for her to relax and stop acting out. If anyone got to close to her when we were out they got hit or spit on. She would not sit to eat, but would try to climb out of her chair or stand on it, she would throw or spit her food and drink. We did a lot of room service and only went out when we had to. By the time we left, her behavior in the room with us had improved tremendously.

Our Experience once Home
We had 3 year old at home, so we “twinned”. I was VERY worried and upset before we left China as I did not know what she would do to our other daughter once home. But it was like a switch flipped in her, she knew she was home. We had 1-2 episodes once home of needing to restrain her to get her to calm down. She once or twice hit her sister or older brother, but that was it! She is very strong willed, and has a tendency to be defiant…but she is also just 3 years old! As for the “twinning”, I would do it again in a second! It took every bit of 10 weeks for them to settle in, and learn how to relate to each other, and not see each other as competition. I think having a “twin” really helped her learn how things work here, to see that there is another little one and this is what is expected of little ones, and this is how little ones are treated, and how little ones are expected to respond to Mom and Dad etc.

My Advice
My advice would be to #1 Go in with your mind already made up that you ARE committed to this child, because there WILL be times that is all you will have to go on. #2 Realize that although “love fixes all” would be great, the reality is that not only has this child not been given adequate attention in the form of praise and affection, they have also not been given adequate attention in the form of rules or boundaries, and their are just going to be some behavior issues that go along with that! #3 It is going to take TIME! The child that you are handed on Gotcha Day is NOT the same one you will go home with. And 3mo, 6mo. down the road you will hardly recognize them in pictures the change is so all encompassing!