10 yr old boy with Cerebral Palsy (Hemiplegia)

THE MCCOMAS FAMILY
http://blog.frogbody.com/chinababy/

Age of Child at Adoption 10

Special Need Cerebral Palsy (hemiplegia)

Older child adoption, cerebral palsy, hemiplegia, no education

Our Experience in China
We had sent little gifts and an album of our family. We were told he had been prepared. The day we met him was probably one of the worst “gotcha days”. He walked in, his eyes started darting around the room, and he refused to come with us. After much coaxing from our guide, the orphanage director, and a bus driver, he decided to hang on tight to a chair leg. He bit my husband on the shouder. It took us at least 2 hrs of gentle trying, until he said he would sit in front of the car with our guide and driver. He refused to look at us, but did look at our album that the guide was showing him on the car ride back to the hotel. By the time we got back to the hotel, he saw the ipad and started warming up. We started to communicate with him through the ipad (just playing games, teasing, and laughing)
The rest of the time in China wasn’t easy. He was a sweet kid, but wanted to be with my husband, and didn’t want anything to do with me. He would let me do his hair and help him with things like that, but when out in public, he pretty much snubbed me. Luckily, my husband and I are a team, so he soon realized that wasn’t working.
One of the flights he had a really hard time. It’s so hard for these kids even if they do want it, which he tells us he did.

Our Experience once Home
The first 3 -6 months was hard too. He was a sweet kid trying to fit in, and we were trying to help him fit in. We adopted out of birth order, and though I’m so glad we have him, it can be harder that way. It took some time for everyone to find their new place, their new normal.
I felt some guilt for not feeling bonded too him sooner, like I had with our little girls.
He had some grieving episodes, one of which I had to take the other kids for a drive for while my husband helped him through it.We found that the special need on the paper isn’t necessarily the hardest need. The discrepancy between his actual age and his developmental age has been the hardest for all of us including him.
He had zero education, so between some speech issues from CP, lack of English, low confidence, and physical delays, we put him in a grade closer to his level. We had to fight for that though.
He is a wonderful and willing boy. He’s sweet and kind, and we love him as part of our family. I know it was right to go get him. He has shared with us many of his experiences from before we got him, and it makes me wish we could have gone to get him a lot sooner.

Advice
Go in understanding that your child may reject you at first. He is scared and this is a HUGE thing happening in his life. He may bite, hit, spit, ignore, etc.. He doesn’t know who he can trust, and he might assume that this will be just one more big disappointment in his life. He’s in survival mode.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes and be that safe place for him, even if it may feel hard for you.
Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t feeling the bond. Especially with older child adoptions, it comes over time for both of you. Expect him to grieve out loud or in quiet. That is very normal. When you travel, expect the worst and you will either be prepared, or have a nice surprise when it’s easier.