6 and 9 yr old girls, with spinal deformities
THE KNORRP FAMILY
http://ourpearlofgreatprice.blogspot.com
Adopted two at a time, spinal deformities, older child adoption
Our experience in China
China was not easy by any stretch of the imagination. We picked up our first daughter, aged 6, on a Monday and she was sweet, quiet, and eager to please. On Thursday of that same week we flew to my other daughter’s province and picked her up that afternoon. She was nearly 10 and not interested in us at all. She seemed so much older than her photos and as the days progressed was angry at us nearly all of the time which she showed with physical aggression, dirty looks, tears, and the quiet treatment. She was embarrassed to be seen with us out on the streets – even running off a couple of times. In complete honesty we wondered why we had made it so hard on ourselves and hadn’t just adopted one younger child. Her younger sister was happy but nervous around her older sister – even getting sucked into some of her bad behavior at times. When we left her province and flew to Guangzhou it got a little easier but both Mike and I were often sick to our stomach and sorely homesick. Many prayers were uttered and we were grateful for the memory of how strongly we knew she was our daughter and how God wanted her to be in our family. We had our most fun in Guangzhou – taking the girls to do as many fun things as possible. We went to the zoo, to the parks, shopping, eating out, and walking around town.
Our Experience once home
Coming home was exhausting but good. We had 4 kids at home and had been gone for three weeks so we were happy to be reunited. Especially with children that loved and trusted us. The girls were happy to meet their brothers and so excited about their bedroom and new things. Our other children were a little dismayed to realize that it wasn’t all love and happiness but more awkwardness than anything. And it’s like they finally realized what it meant for their new sisters not to speak English! We had good moments but it was hard for several months – you are just out of your comfort zone all of the time and it is emotionally exhausting. Our marriage felt like it had to be put on hold because any extra love was being used up on our new kids. The good days come closer together as time passes and now that the girls have now been home about six months I would say we are NEARLY back to normal – or at least a new normal. The girl’s english is amazing and we are able to communicate with them really freely. They love school, love being here and every day are feeling more and more happy and settled. We love them with all of our hearts – we can’t imagine life without them – but we still feel a little sick to our stomach when we think back on the process that got them here!
Our Advice
Reserve judgement on your new child and your relationship with them for a while. Don’t expect to feel overwhelming love for them. If you do – great! If you don’t – you’re not alone! My older daughter is so sweet and helpful and eager to be loved but she was incredibly difficult in country. Be ready to give everything you’ve got to your older adopted child even when they throw it right back at you. They will not do it forever. Get help if you need it – especially talk to other adoptive parents so you can laugh off some of that stress. Don’t ever expect it to go back to normal – realize you’re going to something better. It’s like having a new baby – know that the first few months are exhausting days and nights with moments of joy. And when “normal” people ask over and over again how things are going smile and tell them it’s going great. They don’t really want to know anyhow.
And above all – PRAY! No one knows how to help you and your children better than the Lord. He has given us energy when ours was spent, love when we had none to give, and insight into things we couldn’t begin to understand on our own.