6 and 7 year old Girls with Cerebral Palsy

THE LANZ FAMILY
http://www.lanzadoption.com

Age of Children at Adoption 6 and 7 years old

Special needs cerebral palsy

cerebral palsy, 6 yr old, 7 yr old, older child adoption, two at a time

Our Experience in China
“Gotcha” Day was at the same time for our two girls, but a totally different experience. Jen (age 7 years – who was in the general orphanage population) was wheeled out in her chair, smiled sweetly, and held out her hand as if to say, “I’ve been waiting for you.” Abigail (age 6 years – was in a foster care apartment at the orphanage) was screaming and the nannies were literally dragging her, one on each arm.

We couldn’t eat in a restaurant for about a week as Abigail would scream as soon as we sat down. While she wouldn’t allow me to touch her, my husband had to hold her much of the time.

We almost didn’t visit the orphanage (a week later) for fear of further upsetting Abigail. She howled the entire visit, but then the strangest thing happened. When our abbreviated visit was over she became all smiles as we climbed back into the van. That day was the turning point for us and she is somewhat of a mama’s girl now! I believe the visit to the orphanage reassured her that we were NOT taking her back, and she began to trust.

If you adopt a child with orthopedic needs be prepared for difficulty in getting around while in China. The country is not set up for wheelchairs.

Our plane ride home was very unpleasant – lots of tears and LOUD crying. The only thing to do was to get through it. Try to keep in mind that the situation is temporary, the trip WILL come to an end, and you can begin to find that new normal soon.

The experience in China is somewhat surreal. It is awkward and somewhat forced as you attempt to learn about this new little person (or persons). What you see while in the hotel is likely NOT what your experience will be at home. Hang in there!

Our Experience once Home
The big differences between a fostered child and one that wasn’t became very obvious once we got home. Abigail settled in to family life very nicely. She continues to be nervous in new situations and with new people, but has gotten so much better at exploring life around her.

It was when we got home that the “institutional behaviors” really showed up in Jennifer. She began wetting herself and raging. Her screaming tantrums would last for two entire hours at times, and often we had no idea what even set them off. Trying to see the situation from her viewpoint – life and EVERYTHING in it was different and scary – made it a little easier to cope with these outbursts. We’ve been home nearly four months now and the “freakouts” don’t occur very often anymore.

Abigail and Jen are both scared of doctors. We’ve had to see many of them since we’ve been home. I’ve found it is easier to take either one girl at a time or bring an extra adult to help if both girls have appointments.

Both had to be taught how to play. Most of the girly toys I had purchased for them have been put away for a later date, and preschool toys are the more appropriate choice for them developmentally. It is so fun to watch them discover!

Advice
I feel it is important for moms who are at home with the children all day to make the time for taking care of themselves too. It has been helpful for me to take a few hours one evening a week to get away from it all. Browse at a bookstore, meet a friend for coffee … these little times out help to fill your tank for the challenging times that will come.

Try not to take yourself or your first months at home too seriously. Be flexible unless it REALLY matters. Keep it in perspective that it is not vital that they learn all of the minor household rules, manners, and everything else all right now.

Take the time to enjoy the pleasant things about your new child – the sweet smiles, the squeals of delight upon discovering something new, and the little breakthroughs that occur on nearly a daily basis. True, there are some hard times, but soon the good days will begin to outnumber the difficult ones. Your life (and theirs) will never be the same again, but can be even sweeter and oh so worth it all!